40!!!

No, not my age, (I am actually 43) but the amount of weight I have lost so far! Somedays I look at the scale in amazement that even though I am working so hard, the numbers are not going down. It is getting a bit harder to loose now. But then, another 1.5 lbs! Slower yes, my body is in shock, I do believe. It is holding on, to the fat as if trying to preserve who I was. It is hard to let go, of all I have been for the last several years! I found an identity in the misery of being fat. Through the struggles of unhealth, I lost who I was. And though I am reaching to regain myself, I am not reaching back, to who I was 7 or so years ago, the last time I saw these numbers on the scale. I am not reaching back even further to the woman who was at my goal, another 25 pounds away. I am reaching for someone more, and only God, not self, can get me there. I honestly believe, I need this journey. I believe I need this struggle. It is my thorn. And it is only with Him, that removal is possible.